Child of Love

What is it in my heart, so cold and bitter,
that snuffs the blossoms still in the bud?
What is it in my heart, so burning and dark
that rips the sun from the sky without care?
What poison have I drunk to turn to hate
and fear and this desire to destroy it all?
What does this poison seep into my soul,
always ready to sting and burn, even in happiness?
 If only I were the angel she sees me to be,
the child of light and love and tenderness.
If only I were nothing more than the happy one
ready with puns and jokes and a kind word
and so ready to give anything to see anyone well.
I wish I could be what she believes me to be,
and let all the hate and hurt slip away forever.
Forever and ever. Nothing more in me but light.
 In this summer afternoon, as the sun begins to fade
on what’s been so a beautiful and perfect day for us,
swimming in cold clear waters up in The Smokies.
Just me and her under the green and dark trees
and the honeyed sunlight, our own Eden.
I even kissed her, holding her close in the water, so softly.
But going home, I know the anger will come again, over who knows what.
Something inside me always ruins all these beautiful things.

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