No More Parties

I stopped drinking. I stopped wanting you.
The cold apartment where the parties happened
is only a memory now. A haunted place left behind.

Head spinning from booze and desire, I chased you.
Loud music and the chill of winter, the promise of snow.
Presents and flatterings, the reward of that imperious smile.

 Quietly, from the other side, from the place where I repair
my misdeeds and bad mistakes, I turn my back to the mirror,
to your memory, knowing you were just a another drug.
 Winter is here, the snow has fallen, and the sun falls early.
My little place, little square of yard, my place to put myself.
Trying to find the center inside, that you could never fill.
 Early morning, glad for a job and stability, for a measure of peace.
Cold air and hot coffee, thin paper cup that burns rough hands.
I have hope for tomorrow. I have hope for myself.
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