Maybe it’s just me and my mind talking shit again, dealing with the turmoil by fantasizing that I’ll end everything and therefore end the turmoil forever.
Standing at the subway station, hearing the dull rumble of the train coming, feeling the hum of my bones, that rattles my very thoughts, makes my heart throb.
Just one step. Just one step. All it’d take. That one more step.
I don’t move at all.
The train squeals into the station, drags to a stop. The doors open and all the people get out, and I push my way in, among the harsh lights and quiet rage.
Heading home, the rat show of my gnawing and hungry thoughts undiminished. It goes on and I go on. Just dragging myself to another day.
The train car rocks and shakes, and everyone makes sure not to look at anyone else. Whatever we’re all facing, we’re facing it alone.