Love came once in winter, and once in summer.
Out of nowhere, each girl chose me, for a moment.
Memories of those nights linger, only soft thing left.
Clove cigarettes and cheap beer are sense memories.
Mermaids come in summer. Bright, brave silicone tails.
Young woman weightless, and loved as wonders, as magic.
The young children are full of joy and awe in the blue light.
I remember, for a moment, baptismal waters washing over me.
Prayers come in winter. Cold air and lack of sleep, starry nights.
The cheer of the holidays, as I feel interloper and changeling.
In the cold and dark, all the world sleeping underground, stranded,
I try to make the words that praise grace, but only fixates on martyrs.
And now, it feels like all tenderness is gone from the earth, the sky,
those transient and pitiless stars, all my dreams frantic and bitter.
I try to remember the moment when it was perfect in a girl’s heart.
I try to remember when I knew for sure how an angel touched my face.