Category Archives: Uncategorized

Red Wine, Red Morning

New Year’s Eve, as the sun rises

Behind my house.

Bottle of wine, warmth in my chest,

Deceptive, like the changing of

The year.

The world is the world.

 

A war is coming, and we all burn

Paradise for profit, and God long

Abandoned us to our tears

And our demons.

The year changes, but nothing is

Ever closer to peace.

 

The stars retreat, a fading tide rolled back,

And the ocean of sunlight is crashing

Its waves on the sky.

Still drunk, still too afraid to hope,

I look on a new year almost here,

Knowing nothing else will change.

 

Advertisements

Lilac and Blue

Lilac and blue,

The sacred colors

Left behind;

What I cannot remember.

 

A ghost in dust,

That hides you away,

The desert vast, cold.

I choke on my tears.

 

In dreams we play.

I was not left behind.

You are whole, not an angel.

I can hug you close.

 

Winter, snow here.

The desert bitter, like me.

Bring her back,

And all the years between.

Wipe Away The World

Wipe away the world, this rain, I pray you do.

The velvet wings are so many, the kisses so few.

I dream of her and her firm, round, proud rear.

I may be in Nova Scotia come this time next year.

I could almost place her face, the angel she stole it from.

She gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek; it struck me dumb.

In my dreams I man a lighthouse, and keep the crow fed.

She is slitting Satan’s throat as I lay half-awake in my bed.

I want to touch her face, lay kisses on her tears, make them bombs.

I live alone on the rocky island, and write novels read by soccer moms.

Her strong thighs I want as earmuffs, keeping out sound, letting me adore life.

I saw once an angel out of the corner of my eye, and he offered tea to his wife.

Not When I Look At You

I feel the weight of the night,

The paranoia closing the sun,

The death coming with spring,

But not when I look at you.

 

I can’t see the light being gentle,

The sun ever forgiving us for what’s done.

I fear the luminescence that will burn us,

But not when I look at you.

 

When I look at you I feel God close

And hear the angels wings beating the clouds

And the bells ringing in the morning,

And forget how I, how we all, let you down.

 

You are a star in flesh, a shard of Eden,

And all that’s pure and sweet in this race.

I see you and I remember, what we can be,

What lights can shine in the sky.

 

I am young again, for a moment,

For a breath and a laugh, a dream.

I have hope for our rotten kind,

When I look at you.

 

 

For Olivia

Seattle Rains Are Baptismal

It rains here, so I am safe and comforted.

               It rains and the wind is cool, the sky so grey.

               The rains wash away the scent the demons follow.

               The rains wash the blood from my hands.

 

               People I know up here, love me, but have no time.

               I stay in a little house with lush, knotted trees.

               I sit in them, and dream of an Elven Princess, from before.

               The rain cannot wash away her kisses, or kindness.

 

               In my room, with the innocent tales of enchanted forests,

               I try to hold onto to the cleanliness the rains have given.

               That Elven Princess comes to me, sweet and winged,

               And for a moment, a flicker, there’s more than hate, anger.

 

               She sleeps beside me, and I can touch the stars, and bleed.

January Bridge

Juliette, did you say The Angel Michael would watch over us?

               High and burning with fire, pure and sharp wings, might sword,

               Up in the sky and in our hearts, in our souls, ever brave, ever faithful.

 

               I see the stars falling out of the sky, the moon as blood, the sun dark,

               I see bared teeth and clenched fists, gun barrels pointed at so many,

               I see the promises of a savior become grotesque in their breaking.

 

               It’s January, Juliette, and a New Year has come, but it all feels the same.

               Where is Michael, as this sad season turns bleaker with our broken hearts?

               Where is Michael, as the faithful sharpen their fangs, file their talons?

 

               Maybe, Juliette, the falling snow is manna from his outspread wings,

               And this hunger for peace and love is being answered with the quiet

               And the momentary innocence of a snow morning, as we sleep.

 

               I hope I can hang onto that hope.

Michelle II

Awkward and shy, passing each other.
Smiles, eyes turning, glancing back, turning.
A sweetness, my emptiness could smother.
A pin prick of blood calls up this yearning.

In the park, my hideaway, stars starting to call.
The moon whispers the dreams I thought lost.
Hearts and stars and angels can so easily come a fall.
May I kiss her, hold her, make her mine by first frost?

A winter night by a fire, I’d tell her the tales of gods and men.
A tale of fate and devotion and the lengths to touch a lover’s soul.
A tale where good and love and all the righteous ones do win.
A tale that is really about me and her, and how she made me whole.

The Witch’s Sleep

Can’t hold hands with Joan without being spit on by Gilles.
The broken stained glass window is a testament of bleeding wills.
The night is endless as daylight madness in the witches’ sleep.
The golden teeth in rows are burning down 30 feet deep.
Now comes the night that punishes with loveless dreams.
The silver hook picks them off one by one by undoing tin seams.
The Devil knows honor while god rewards treachery and violence.
The Devil knows a lover’s kiss while god’s testament is untenable silence.
The hole in the eye is running with auburn curls of a long lost broken faith.
The tip of my finger runs a gorge in soft, white flesh that carresses a wraith.
We knew the score once sex and bitterness took hold in times of sweetness.
We knew a kiss was the dragon chasing us, taunting us, with it’s incompleteness.
Now burn the blue star into ashes to make a new drug seem worthwhile.
Now burn me into a shadow of childhood with the sweet syringe of your smile.w

In Flickering Passion

She is there, standing alone in the park, by the little brook,
smoking a cigarette beneath the sickly streetlamp, looking away.
She is there, in all the glory that I adored, all the sereinity of hell,
all the quiet of the grave, all the sleep of cherished minds misplaced.
She is there, and I am here.
 She is there, twenty years past, when I ran among sorceresses, demons,
and felt a cold flame in my belly, knew the rage that won an angel’s love,
and the certainty that youth knows in coming death, in flickering passion
and the little deaths that build castles out of broken shards of our eyes.
She is there, and I am here.
 I am here, lost, without words to tell, or a dream to write on her lips,
or kisses to touch upon her eyes, and make blooms of nights of shed blood,
or a softness in a devilish heart, that held all of the darkness like a child,
and gave took from her fleshy orchids that turned lust into life.
I am here, and she is there.
 Madness is now just stupid hunger and a dull ache, a missing hangman,
a calming of a salacious heart, that brings ashes for dreams, a deathlike
reckoning in a life without purpose or rage or anysort of kindness in night.
A ghost, neither who I was then, or the child I was before, just a ticking clock.
I am here, and she is there.

Free Will and Harm

The thing about Utopia’s is that they are, by definition, totalitarian. Everyone in it has to agree that the way things are done are the way they must be done. Any conflict gets introduced, someone says “No, this is not right”, and the whole thing gets ripped apart.

Let’s use Adam and Eve as a metaphorical frame work.

God would let Adam and Eve live in The Garden forever, without want or pain or suffering, as long as they obeyed his command to not eat of The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

They disobeyed. Suffering came into the world. Utopia was destroyed by conflict.

Yet, there were benefits from this too.

For one thing, no longer being immortal, humans had to reproduce, which meant children and families.

And, in a world where evil is possible, good is also possible.

Where you can fail, you can also succeed.

And of course, where you can choose what to do, you can choose to do harm.

That’s what it meant to eat from the Tree of Good and Evil, to know choice, and to have the ability to do harm.

But, it always seems like doing harm get’s chosen so much more. Maybe it’s confirmation bias on my part, or that evil travels so much better than good. But it seems that those who are supposed to be good, Clergy, Officers of The Law, Politicians, are the most vicious monsters of all. The cloak of good hides a pleathora of evil. And those who genuinely do good get ground under mercilessly.

For life to have choice, it looks to me, means that life for most is like filled with pain.

But, Utopia is it’s own kind of monster.

Returning again to Adam and Eve. I saw this movie once called Adam and Eve vs. The Cannibals. It hewed real close to the biblical tale until the expulsion from The Garden, at which the movie just gets weird.

But while Adam and Eve are still in The Garden, there is a part where The Serpent has started to try and tempt Eve into eating The Forbidden Fruit, and Adam is trying to talk her out of it, talking about how disobeying God would lead to them being kicked out of their paradise. To this Eve angrily retorts:

“What am I going to do? Watch another sunset? Take another bath?”

The chose seems to be stasis and therefore atrophy and boredom, or a chance to grow, but also to be snuffed out.

If we have choice, by definition we have the ability to do harm. Harm is a heavy metal concert next to one woman singing a lullabye on an acoustic guitar; the quiet and the good is drowned out by the loudness of harm. Harm dominates everything we see, just blanks out all the good.

But sometimes, the good does shine through. And with the ability to do harm is also the ability to love and help and nurture.

We die, but we get children and families. We hurt, but we can comfort and find solace in those who love us. We can do harm, but we can also fight it.

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”—–Leonard Cohen, Anthem