Tag Archives: anger

Crying In My Car

The Fort is quiet this late at night, right before dawn.

Way on the backside of James Agee Street, I cry alone,

listening to that song that always soothes me,

when The Demon is so close to getting out of his bottle.

Bottle it up and don’t drink whiskey bottles, the bottles

that break his bottle and let him out and let him roar

and let the hateful words I hide in my heart cut them open,

bleed out from the heart, blood can’t put back in a bottle.

The woman sings, soft and ethereal, as delicate as an angel’s

whisper in your ear and holy fuck I’m almost another year older

and I still am chained to that demon and his cracking bottle,

the cracks held whole by will and fear. He’s getting powerful.

No bottle to break the bottle. Only her singing as the sun slowly

shakes off the cold of the underworld to light the world one more day,

and even in this bitter winter it feels so calming and warm to feel the rays

on your skin, almost like a lover, almost like an embrace.

The song repeats. I repeat it over and over until the venom recedes,

and the fear and hate drain away, like blushing color from peaceful cheeks.

She sings, a de facto angel for me, as at the party it come so close to exploding,

and you can’t funnel the blood of the heart back in a bottle.

Finally soft again, I clean up my face, and walk into work.

Sea of Tranquility

I sit in a swing, watching the house burn, the house where we were children.

Slowly push my self back and forth on tired legs, to dissassociative to care.

I’m watching myself, the orange flames ripping open the night on my face.

I’m a tin dime angel, addled brain almost touching heaven, which the flames reach.

I know you’re up in the sky, the eye in the moon, the listening dish, Sea of Tranquility.

You have that pilots clearance and the love of all that’s holy, good little princess.

I might have gotten something in my mind from kissing your older sister, a tumor.

I’m like neither of you, neither saint or demon, just at a loss for who to breathe in.

The house burns and I don’t care, not even my revenge gives me any feeling here.

I still float, brain damage and alcohol making me float, far away from you, in Tranquility.

The ashes always become embers, and I can never be free, my demons are invincible.

The Raptors are scrambled to take me to hell, still better than being a drone like you.

Still I have the name of love carved in my belly, without your name beside it.

 

The Wind Became Words

The room is dark, but I see starlight out the window
as I lay in bed, sleepless, shivering, angry at everything.
Once, the minister took me to the mountain, to teach me
scripture and theology. I only heard God in the wind.
The wind became words.
I read of Spanish Captains and The New World,
the ocean forever, Man’s eye looking up At Gods Eye, the sky.
I read of the clear blue waters of The Pacific, the distant isles,
and the wild raging storms that make the measure of a man.
God’s words would be in the wind.
I decide. I am 17. I can join The Navy. Mom will sign me over.
Her trouble making boy someone else’s worry now.
My duffel bag packed, I walk on the sidewalk to the recruiter,
dawn a soft satin blue that has not yet become garish and gaudy.
And God, He whispers secrets in the wind.

The Dark of Space

The light and the darkness fight, the stars and the sky burn,
as I sit on the hood of my car, alone on the hills above town.
Here it’s quiet. I can’t hear their words. I don’t have to care.
Only the wind kisses me. Only the dead keep close counsel.

The night tells of blood spilled and the light tells of forgiveness.
The night wants to make them pay. The light to return the sun.
I watch the lights below. It could be paradise, but it want it’s silence.
Goddamn it all! Curse these voices! I come her so I don’t have to care!

 I can’t hear them here. I can’t be assualted by the carrot and the stick.
The ministers and the mobsters trying to get my money and my soul.
Quiet! Blessed quiet! But the angels and the devils demand my words.
The light are beautiful up here, the world a jewel from the dark of space.