I sit in a dark classroom, alone, with the rain on the window
and the colorless and brooding sky my sole comfort today.
I eat a ham sandwich soggy with mayonaise and pickle juice.
I try to make eye contact with an angel in the corner.
“Will you be my friend?” I ask him. “Will you come see me?”
He won’t look at me, as he disinterestedly smokes a clove cigarette.
I sigh, finish the soggy sandwich, go on to the hatefully sweet juice.
Angels and high schoolers are stuck up assholes, no doubt about it.
But the rain comes from a different god, a devil of sorrow and music,
and I try to remember that song I heard on the radio one time, so late.
Their laughter, like this juice, is hateful in it’s sweetness, agressively alright.
On my shoulder, one of The Fey tells me the name of the star that bore me.
Soggy sandwich, gross juice, and cardboard chips finished, I throw away trash
and pick up my books, as weighty as the righteous arrogance that weighs down
the children of light, makes their light the darkest pit for the wild and left behind.
I look down, because I hate the animal shine in their eyes. It burns me like prey.
A room waits, after all is finished today, and only sweet voices will find me there.
My black, ratty hoodie makes my invisible,
as the bus rocks and bounces us to school.
My headphones play songs that soothe
and beat back the demons tormenting me.
Hood drawn up and pulled over my face.
I am no one. I am not seen. It turns you away.
If you see me, if I catch your eyes, if magic falters,
then you’ll come at me with those sharp, hideous words
and you’ll tear me down and break my heart,
and not care a whit for the tears you draw from me.
So let the cold tones of places long lost and deathless
be the wind that moves across the silent waters inside me.
Let the hood deflect your gaze to someone you don’t dare catcall.
I don’t want to shed anymore tears. I don’t want anymore pain.
Magic, do not falter.
This poem is told from a female characters perspective.
I saw you hurt, and I tried to comfort you.
I tried to be your friend. I tried to stand at your side.
I didn’t like how he treated you, and I told him so.
I could have been your friend,
but I couldn’t follow the path you chose.
You nursed your hurts like they were a sick lover.
You fed the anger and the hate, until that light I saw,
that star in the dark galaxy of your eyes, went out.
There was still love in you, I would see it, it still peaked out.
But you let the darkness snuff it all out of you.
I stand between you and him, the gun in your hand,
the star gone and the galaxy great black stones.
I know he hurt you, but I won’t stand by while you do this.
I know how you feel about me, but I won’t be with someone
who’d chose this path.
If I ever meant anything to you. If you ever did love did love me,
don’t do this.
Please, don’t do this.