Tag Archives: hiding feelings

Gwen

Gwen I see in the lab, intent and focused, lost in thought.
I don’t talk to her, while I go about work, keep my head down.
That strawberry hand santizer can’t be escaped though,
and it makes me think of her skin, of her touching me.
 Don’t look her in the eye, just go on, keep out of sight.
I hear her singing quietly, some sappy and popular ballad.
I think of her loving me, of us riding off into the sunset.
But I’m just a tech, and she’s going places, has a future.
 I don’t steal glances, don’t look at the sun, too much light.
She is writing, pipetting, mixing in the incubator, doing it.
I just do my nothing busy work, unable to chase away
all thoughts, all the desire, all the hope I have for her.
 She leaves, surprises me by saying goodbye.
I look, smile, tell her goodnight and be safe.
She smiles and walks out into the lab, the night.
I can breath easy, let the monsters slip out.
 She can’t see any of it now.
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First Light

First light, parking on the street before heading in to work.
I sit in the car for a little while longer, in the watery light,
as Anna Netrebko sings “Casta Diva”, and brings enchantment
to this run down place, with the shadows making houses palaces.
 I listen to her sing, letting the still and quiet and dim light
soothe me, and give me strength, and even a measure of hope
as I feel my world slipping away from me, the whole universe
going mad. I close my eyes, and make the music infinite.
 The song is over, and it’s time to turn of the radio, and grab
my knapsack, and head in to work. To put on that brave, happy
face and not let the fear and lonliness show, just smile through.
It’s Friday, and soon I can hide in my apartment, and let tears come.