Tag Archives: life changes

The Long Day’s Sun

The sun is fading away, though it’s still so humid here,

by the sea, that I feel I need gills to breathe, still so

sweltering, like being wrapped in a tight, wet, steamed blanket.

Ricardo and Mary and walking up, hand in hand, dripping wet,

finally leaving the water as it gets dark, almost if their were

merpeople long ago, in their first and better life.

Last hurrah before school, for me anyway, scrawny and awkward,

unsure of the future, high school, new school, everything shifting,

riding the bus and moving closer to the inevitable, to growing up.

Ricardo pulls Mary into his arms, squeezes her tight and kisses her,

and I look away, nauseous, uneasy watching them like this, wondering

what the big appeal of it all is.

We’re in Mary’s ancient and haphazard calico Ford Probe, driving in

the night, the city shining bright and a hazy golden glow by the highway,

some band I’ve never heard of that Mary loves playing. It is sad. Soothing.

Ricardo holds her right hand on the console while she steers with the left,

and they are talking and laughing, and even in the dark the headlights catch

a glint of the tiny and proud diamond on her engagement ring.

They are through with school. My angels. My protectors. My de-facto siblings.

Older and wiser, already been through the wars to show me the way, are leaving

for Seattle, for a life together, for a better jobs far away.

Mary and Ricardo have always been in love. They have always been there.

Mary used to hold me close to her breast, stroke my hair, sing me lullabies,

and Ricardo always had time to listen to my stories, kick a soccer ball, play with me.

High school is coming. They’re leaving. I feel alone, afraid of what I have to face.

The song changes, and the woman singing, mournful and quiet, sends shivers down

my spine and my arms, even as they radiate with the heat of the long day’s sun.

Mary raises up Ricardo’s hand, and kisses it, and he leans over and kisses her cheek.

Mary pulls into a fast food joint, and Ricardo runs in, coming out with a strawberry sundae.

He gives it to, ruffles my hair, gives me a smile, and then were on again into the night.

I eat my sundae, knowing like these good times, it will be gone too soon.

North Star

Same bar, after all these years, and you just happened to find me.
I’m drinking hot, black coffee, now instead pitcher of Coors Light.
I’m constantly chomping on sugarless gum instead of smoking.
I’m content to be alone now, instead of madly chasing after you.
We’re both older, and greyer and fatter, than those long ago years.
You’re son is grown, I’m at peace with my life, you’re not my North Star.
What ever magic you had on me is long gone now, please leave me alone.
I don’t know what I ever saw in you. I sure as hell don’t see it now.
Finally, you say goodbye, and my heart is ripped up, for the world
we dreamed in is shattered, and if I hadn’t seen you, I wouldn’t ache for it.
Just cast my head down, don’t let the waitress see my tears, drink coffee.
It is winter now, and soon the cold snow will soothe my dreams.

Coming Into The Light

I look at this photograph, hidden away, coming into the light.

               You Ellie, all of fifteen, hair still long, last name still Doremy.

               Smiling, you were absolutely free, and feeling angel wings grow.

               Invisible, but they would carry you, to the stars that were your home.

 

               Now, you and I heading close to forty, with a modest but sweet life.

               You play with the cat, which is amused, then indifferent, then hostile.

               You’re starting to show, our child coming from void into flesh and bone.

               You carry your scars well, but they’re there, still dimmed the starlight.

 

               That winter, that church party, we fell in love, fell into the sun, blameless.

               We were allowed to dance, adequately separated, but still holding on.

               You looked into my eyes, the angel unfurling, the wings carry us on high

               Though our feet we’re touching earth, we were carried to a better elsewhere.

 

               The world goes on, and the blood is shed, the dreams dimmed, the darkness come.

               We fall from innocence, take our bites of the apple, and learn our bare, sad shame.

               We are still sweet, still retain the light, can still sometimes touch heaven, still here.

               The child you carry, will be a glory and angel innocence, but become fallen like us.

 

               Outside, the snow falling, the stars not there to bear witness, you pulled me near.

               Our flashed and cold faces, our pale lips touched, a kiss clandestine and innocent.

               Our first kiss, and the dream began, and the moment that God gave us came here.

               One moment to lift us to on high, you wings carrying us, to were stars always shone.

 

              

              

Sway Dance

The lights are low, the mirror ball sparkles,
we’re both dizzy headed from the wine.
She is a blushing bride, all in satin and lace,
and I know, that now she can never be mine.
 Friends all our lives, and I foolishly fell for her,
when we were king and queen of the tawny plain.
Friends we did stay, and I’m so happy for her today.
But it’s all changing, our paths split now in twain.
 And, the end of the ceremony, deep into morning,
a sentimental ballad comes on, and we sway together.
Sway like middle schoolers at our first dance, laughing,
and this is her last morning of innocence, Queen of the Heather.
 The song ends, I bow, she curtseys, a count to his queen,
and she goes to back her man, takes his hand, kisses him so.
I fell in love with her, but friendship is treasure enough
and I’m happy for her, and it’s time to part, to her life go.
 A bottle of wine I drink from as I sit outside, the summer night
full of a spell only the thankful and sorrowful can feel.
Morning light will be the weight of the world, without her at all,
but maybe it’s a new beginning for me too, giving fate a spin at the wheel.

Quiet Churches, Empty Theatres and Lost Innocence

The nursery school is empty for the night.
The lights our out. Only weak evening sun
shines through the windows, making the
happy animals and bright colors so eerie.
 I’m the youngest, the newest hire here,
so I clean it all up and put it in order, make
it all bright and new again for the happy children
that come here, the only ones who love me.
 Such happy and sweet and innocent children,
so full of magic and dreams and wild thoughts.
There energy carries me through the day, makes
me happy and love life again, until night comes.
 This place is creepy at night, emptied out, like a
church without worshippers and singing, or a theatre
disused and left only for ghosts to sing to the angels.
A place of life without light is a grave with a rictus smile.
 Those children, and the children yet to come, all the children
to be born in whatever time us humans have left to live here,
what will happen to them? Why does corruption and evil find
them out? Why can’t we stay clean and pure? Why must we fall?
 The drizzling rain is coming down, like a quiet cry over wine,
as I go to my little, used car, heading home to be alone and
not, no not, think of the man who left me behind after I gave
him my soul, my heart, my pride, all the good I ever was.
 He was a child once, clean and happy and innocent and pure
as the little boys I care for, who blush when I little girl hugs
them or play knights and have only love in their wild hearts.
He was once innocent. So was I. Look at us now.
 I don’t even make home to my wine before the quiet cry comes.

Night Out

Her fiery red hair has burned out to an ashen grey.
The fire I once warmed self upon is till there,
but we’re both older and cold and so tired of it all.
We clink glasses of beer, smile. We’re still in love.
 The bar is loud and the music grates. I don’t care about sports.
We don’t know why we come anymore. We just always have.
I pay the bill, take her hand, and we walk out into the night.
It’s quiet in the darkness. The night hot. The sky so clear.
 Home, laying together in bed, talking, not thinking about sex.
Just holding each other, and talking about the past, fears of tomorrow,
and all the stars whose light hits the mirror, and sparkles the sweetness,
of a soft and tender kiss. We fall asleep, holding on, holding on.